Lana's Songs
by Noa-Pearl
Summary: Catherine's life can be told by the songs of Lana del Rey's Born To Die Album. In my opinion, at least. Catherine/Eddie/Vartann. Rated M for drugs, sex, violence and cursing. Noting too heavy, but still. Read inside for more.
1. Off To The Races

**Note: Helloo! New story from me. I love Lana Del Rey's 'Born To Die' album and figured most of the songs are absolutely perfect to describe Catherine's past. I decided to mingle in Vartann as well because, well, I love him, haha! It might be slightly confusing but I'm sure it will all make sense. I always kind of try to avoid song fictions, though I did make one recently for another show, but I just love Lana del Rey's album and, well, like I said, I figured it all fit perfectly fine. I hope you guys like it as well, please let me know :) . X. **

_**Chapter 1: Off To The Races**_

_My old man is a bad man but I can't deny the way he holds my hand,  
and he grabs me, he has me by my heart.  
He doesn't mind I have a Las Vegas past,  
he doesn't mind I have a L.A. crass way about me,  
He loves me with every beat of his cocaine heart.  
_

"You're sure about this?" I look while Eddie throws some white powder on the table, carefully placing it so there are two thin lines. I know what it is, but I'm not sure it's such a great idea to actually use it.

"Cath, baby… I told you before. It's fun! I'm sure you'll love it."

He looks at me, excitement only gracing his face. I know he's done it before, never in my presence. I look at the man, who now sits down next to me and pulls me on his lap before burying his head in my chest. We've been dating for six weeks now. He saw me in The French Palace, behind the bar, bartending. I'm sure I saw him first though. Leather jacket on, smoking his cigarettes in a corner close to the bar while drinking whiskey with his friends, looking over every single half-naked girl that passed their ways. I chuckled to myself every single time, making a mental note of those men, telling myself those dudes were the perfect example of the kind of man I didn't want to be with. And look at me now, actually being the girlfriend of that asshole. At least, I think I am.

_Light of my life, fire in my loins,  
be a good baby, do what I want,  
light of my life, fire in my loins,  
gimme them gold coins, gimme them coins._

He looks up and searches for an answer in my eyes. The mingle of him and the alcohol in my system makes my head blurry. I know this stuff ain't good. But Eddie smells very good. And his eyes are gorgeous as well. I know what he's trying to do when he pulls me closer to kiss me. He places his hand gently behind my head, pressing me closer to him as his tongue meets mine and his hand moves up my skirt, leaving the skin he's touched tingling of excitement.

I nod and he kisses me, pressing me closer to him as he does so, before he tells me: "Okay, just do what I do. You'll love it." I doubt for a split second, knowing the stuff is far from good. I nod nonetheless, excitement and curiosity taking over.

_And I'm off to the races,_  
_cases of Bacardi chasers,_  
_chasin' me all over town._  
_'Cause he knows I'm wasted,_  
_facing time again on Rikers Island and I won't get out._

_Because I'm crazy, baby._  
_I need you to come here and save me._  
_I'm your little scarlet, starlet, singing in the garden,_  
_Kiss me on my open mouth, ready for you._

His eyes rest on mine as he says: "Just wait."

I nod, not sure what to expect as I let my head rest against the couch, just like Eddie. A minute later, I see his pupils widen, wondering if that's how I look now as well. I feel hot as I discard my jacket before I hear him grumble: "That's how it starts.."

I feel happy, excited… Ed's hand starts touching my skin, grabbing my hand to pull me closer to him. "You're looking so damn good right now."

His lips attack mine and I feel them before I can even think about it. He tastes like whiskey as our tongues duel while he pulls me on top of him, grabbing the hem of my shirt as he tries to get rid of it. There's nothing sweet or romantic about the way he's touching me, but frankly, I don't care. I just want him inside me.

_My old man is a tough man,_  
_but he got a soul as sweet as blood red jam._  
_And he shows me, he knows me,_  
_every inch of my tar black soul._  
_He doesn't mind I have a flat broke down life,_  
_in fact he says he thinks it's what he might like about me, admires me,_  
_the way I roll like a rolling stone._

_Likes to watch me in the glass room, bathroom, Chateau Marmont,_  
_slipping on my red dress, putting on my make-up._  
_Glass room, perfume, cognac, lilac fumes_  
_says it feels like heaven to him._

We lay in bed lazily an hour later. The rush is gone and so is the great feeling the drugs gave me. I lie in Eddie's arms and I hear him murmur: "That was good, wasn't it?"

"Hmm." I'm tired, just want to sleep.

"I know babe."

I could tell he was going to be dozing off soon as I set my alarm, knowing I had to get up in a few hours. Doing the dancing I did. I used to be a bartender. I was when I met Eddie. Bartending barely earned me enough to pay my rent. The dancing's better. I was ashamed at first, dancing almost naked in front of all those men. I got used to it though.

_Light of his life, fire of his loins,_  
_keep me forever, tell me you own me._  
_Light of your life, fire of your loins,_  
_tell me you want me, gimme them coins._

_Yo I'm off to the races, laces._  
_Leather on my waist is tight,_  
_and I am falling down._  
_I can see your face is shameless,_  
_Cipriani's basement._  
_Love you but I'm going down._

I finished dancing hoping to open my eyes and seeing Eddie in the crowd. I see him indeed, but he's not looking at me. He's talking to a skinny blonde.

He comes to find me minutes later backstage. "Hey baby, I enjoyed your show…"

"You seemed to enjoy that skinny blonde even more though, but thanks." I put my jacket on as I look at his face. He's getting angry, but I don't really care.

"Jesus, Cath, I was just talking, don't be jealous."

"I'm not jealous, I'm just stating the facts. Let's go home."

He shrugs and walks away. I don't care that he's pissed. He'll get over it in a minute.

The ride home is quiet, but as soon as we get inside the living room, he grabs a plastic bag out of the pockets of his jacket and says: "You wanna take another ride?"

I look at the white powder. Twice within twenty-four hours, that can't be good. I'm doubting for a few seconds, sensing that the more I use it, the more I need it. It did feel good though. Very good. I don't even have to say yes as Ed's already laying out the perfect line for me.

_My old man is a thief and I'm gonna stay and pray with him till the end._  
_But I trust in the decision of the Lord to watch over us,_  
_take him when he may, if he may, I'm not afraid to say_  
_that I'd die without him._  
_Who else is gonna put up with me this way?_


	2. Born to Die

_**Note: Hi guys, new chapter for this one. I apologize for not updating Hopes and Dreams, I'm trying my hardest but I'm so stuck and I really don't know where to go with it right now. I hope hope hope I'm able to update soon for those of you who read it, and I hope this chapter is something you guys enjoy as well! xx.**_

**Chapter 2: Born To Die**

"Hey baby."

Eddie walked through my door that morning with a smile on his face, which for me as an indication he'd been either drinking or using cocaine. Having him happy makes me happy as well though. I smile as I get up so I can kiss him, happy when I realize he hasn't been drinking. He drops himself down next to me before pulling me closer, kissing me before saying: "I've got a surprise for you…."

I know it's a little bag with white powder before he even shows it.

_Feet don't fail me now,  
take me to the finish line.  
Oh my heart it breaks every step that I take,  
but I'm hoping at the gates, they'll tell me that you're mine._

_Walking through the city streets,  
is it by mistake or design?  
I feel so alone on the Friday nights,  
can you make it feel like home, if I tell you you're mine._

The drug immediately makes me feel lighter, happier… Better. I look at Eddie as I'm wrapped up in his arms and say: "We'll stay like this forever, won't we?"

"Always, baby, always."

He nuzzles my hair, and after a split second, I feel his lips in my neck, his tongue licking up the small drops of sweat that have been forming in the past couple of minutes.

I know what will happen next; it's what always happens next. We'll make love, no passionate, vanilla-sex love, but rough, tough sex. Great sex, I must say. Then we'll get some sleep, until the evening falls and the drug's worn out. I feel sad, sleepy and slow, the sign for my next fix. I'll take another line of coke and then I'll go off to the Palace, do my dancing routines, earning me some good money, waiting until I see Ed again afterwards to take my next line. And the circle goes on, and on, and on.

_It's like I told you honey.  
Don't make me sad, don't make me cry.  
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough,  
I don't know why._

_Keep making me laugh,  
let's go get high.  
The road is long, we carry on,  
try to have fun in the meantime._

When I wake up that next morning, Eddie's gone. Off to God knows where. Every time I wake up, I overthink the life I have. Is this really what I wanted my life to be like? It started out exciting, yes, it did. Drinking, dancing, partying, only fun.

It's still fun, whenever I'm high. As soon as the drug's worn out, I doubt everything. Does Eddie really love me? Do I really love Eddie? I doubt his loyalty towards me… He's gone half of the time he's supposed to be here, with me. Do I really want to do all the dancing I do, with all those screaming assholes staring at me, desperately trying to touch me? Do I really need those drugs?

The sad part is that I indeed feel as if I need them; as if I can't function anymore without the cocaïne. If I think rationally, I know the coke is where it all went wrong. But thinking rationally is something I gave up the moment I touched the white powder for the very first time.

_Come on take a walk on the wild side,  
let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain.  
You like your girls insane.  
Choose your last words, this is the last time.  
Cause you and I, we were born to die._

"Oh my God, Ed, this is beautiful!"

We're on top of the Stratosphere, looking over the most beautiful city of the world. All the lights, all the sins…. It's all beautiful.

"Just as beautiful as you are baby." He kisses my neck after that cheesy line of his, something I don't even care about. This is the Eddie I love; happy, excited, caring, loving…. And on cocaïne.

_Lost but now I am found.  
I can see but once I was blind.  
I was so confused as a little child,  
trying to take what I could get,  
scared that I couldn't find,  
all the answers honey._

When I wake up the next morning, my head is pounding and my throat is dry. God, I need water. Ed's arm is resting over my belly as he's still asleep. Without a sound, I get out of bed and make my way to the kitchen, gulping down three glasses of water within a minute. Jesus, I'm thirsty.

My head is driving me insane. I know it's the cocaïne. Everything is the result of the cocaïne, which I'm now a frequent user of. A little too frequent. I know the stuff ain't good. But life looks so much better, so much brighter whenever I'm under the influence of that stuff. Everything seems perfect when I'm on it.

Instead of looking for breakfast, I make my way back to the bedroom and sit down on the edge of the bed, careful not to wake Eddie up. I'm staring at the little box in front of the bed, on the table, next to my make-up and perfume. What I want, is in that box.

_Come on take a walk on the wild side,  
let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain.  
You like your girls insane.  
Choose your last words, this is the last time.  
Cause you and I, we were born to die._

"What are you thinking about baby?"

Eddie's rasping voice is coming from behind me before I feel his hands closing around my waist, giving a sloppy kiss in my neck. I sigh before I turn my head to face him as I say: "I was just thinking about the contents of that little black box over there…."

His eyes start twinkling, despite the groggy eyes he has and the circles he has under them, before he says: "It's early morning."

I smile, biting my lip as I say: "I know. I don't care."

Ed nods before climbing out of bed, opening that darn little black box on the table, that's the cause of all my problems and all my happiness.

_****__Note: That's it for now.. And just a little teaser... Next chapter will surround around Video Games. What do you guys think it will be about? xx._


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